January 29, 2011

The 5 Love Languages: Review & Answers

So, its been 2 weeks since we've been seeing the marriage counselor, and she "prescribed" the book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, by Gary Chapman.
Yes, we have only been married one year and a month, but with him being a Drill Sergeant its important we go to get the flow rolling and discuss our marriage as a military couple with no time for eachother.

The book describes 5 love languages each person uses to express their love for one another. The point of the book is to show each person reading the book to recognize their own and their partners love language. Of course being the book junky I am, I am finished with it. Its highlighted, marked and post-it'd. My husband, because of "his job" hasn't read it, although he said he read the first two chapters; "What Happens to Love After the Wedding & Keeping The Love Tank Full"

The main and most interesting chapters in the book include the 5 love languages, along with "your turn" questions at the end for you to answer.

Tonight I tried to discuss some of the things I learned in the book, and asked how I could be a better wife and what it was he liked about me, the marriage and what he would want to change. Since he was so tired it didn't go out to well. So instead, I reviewed my answers to the questions, and reviewed the summaries at the end of the chapter and came up with is.

The Five Love Languages
Words of Affirmation: (Verbal compliments)
Your Turn: Share instances with your spouse when words had a profound impact on your life-- positively or negatively. 

My Response: 
Positive- when he says I'm a good wife, verbally compliments the things I do, and compliments about my looks.
Negative- when he says I'm demanding, rude, disrespectful and lazy.

Quality Time: (Giving your spouse focused attention.. Ex. 15 minutes of talking with no TV, or other distractions)

Your Turn: What in your marriage detracts from spending quality time?

My Response:
His job, the computer for both of us (he's a facebook gamer, and I'm a blog-a-holic), he is usually to tired to spend time together and falls alseep on the floor or couch, and I'm on so many medications I'm usually to tired or in to much pain to do special things like take walks together to discuss our day.

Receiving Gifts:
Your Turn: Reflect on ways to give figts to one another even if finances are tight.

My response:
Since finances are tight in our household, I wrote him a letter in colorful markers about how amazing he was and posted it on the garage door in the middle of the night for him to wake up to when leaving for work. Other ideas we could do can include making cards, collages, leaving notes on the mirrors, or sticky notes on each others cars saying "have a good day, I love you".

Physical Touch: (Holding hands, embracing, and sexual intercourse- all ways to communicate emotional love for one another)

Your Turn: Recall some nonsexual "touching times" that enhanced intimacy between the two of you? What made these times special?

My response: When he grabs my hand out of nowhere to hold it, when he holds me tight during a hug, and when I'm overly stressed he'll run his fingers through my hair to calm me down; him doing these things are special to me because he knows I love to be recognized as his wife and a human no an object.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO EVERYONE! It was absolutely an eye opener about sharing your love for one another, and learning about the love language desired by your spouse. My love language is quality time and words of affirmation. After reading this book, I think I can be a better wife to my husband because I have the tools to try different love languages to see how he reacts to each.

We might of had a rough night tonight, but we have Church tomorrow and a new month starting soon. Things are going to be different, and I am going to "Grow a backbone" as my best friend said to do, and be positive as my blogging friend Adrienne said to do. She said as I was complaining to her about my lonliness and depression that "You have the choice to wake up in the morning and have a bad day, or wake up in the morning and say I am going to have an awesome day today, and smile."

So thank you to my best friend Dana, and blogging friend Adrienne and Gary Chapman for getting my ass out of a depressive funk and to move on, be happy, grow a back bone, and wake up every morning to say I am going to have an awesome day.


  1. By the way - one of my best friends is a Therapist - she told me to read the book. (Of course, my husband has not ) - Turns out (and I never would have thought this) - I am a "Words of Affirmation."

    Yeah.. married to an arab. NOT going to happen. ;-)

  2. My husband & I were both given that book from our chaplain (and his wife) as a wedding gift. My husband deployed shortly after we were married so we both read it while he was away. We would try to read a chapter or two and then discuss it, which wasn't easy when you're only allowed 15-20 min phone calls during a deployment. The book really helped us during the beginning of our marriage though. I'm thinking maybe we should reread it sooon!

  3. I love the love languages! lol! I studied this in grad school and always thought it was so true ad brilliant! That is great that you are learning and teaching others about this!

    Love your blog too! And love your name! We are naming our daughter Cassie-Mae!

    Thanks for stopping by! We left Fort Benning last May, my hubby actually worked at basic training! You should check out a cup of Jenn, she is in Alaska now!


  4. great booki! my husband and i read that one in a CREDO class and it was really helpful. those CREDO retreats are awwwwesome - if your husband gets some time off, you guys might really enjoy one! your chaplain will know about them.

  5. I read that book a few months ago and LOVED it. It's definitely one that i'll read again :)


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