January 15, 2012

The Reality of it all

I am not a very religious person, but this is definitely relates to what I'm going through (well with the people around me).
A lying tongue is not only something God hates, it is also something that is an abomination to Him.

Prov 6:16-19
16 There are six things which the LORD hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:
17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood,
18 A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that run rapidly to evil,
19 A false witness who utters lies, And one who spreads strife among brothers.

Since last week I have been dealing with the drama of my husband going behind my back and refinancing our house. Now it's just unraveling into a larger mess.

When I spoke to my husband we settled a few things, but he's having a hard time overseas that I can't bring myself to tell him the details and the action that needs to be taken. But because I can't get it all off my chest I've spent the entire week in tears, overly stressed and angry. Not how I wanted to spend the last month and a 1/2 of pregnancy. 

This past week has been the hardest week of my life, I wish this was the only problem that I've had to deal with in our marriage regarding lying but its not. This is probably the 5th lying situation having to deal with finances. Although this one is the largest and definitely the cherry on top of shit sundae. 

I have no idea what to do at this point, but looking into legal separation it on my list of things research. Yes it's drastic, but 2 years later into our marriage and nothing has changed except for more lying it might be whats necessary. 

It breaks my heart to have our marriage go through this during a deployment && with Landon 6 weeks away from being here. Although not taking care of it will make it worse in the long run.

Yes as of now I want nothing to do with his family, if he wants to see his family that's fine but I won't' be involved and neither will Landon. Landon doesn't need the negative, manipulative people in his life. If they choose to show me that they can understand boundaries, respect ME &&&& MY FAMILY, and allow Thomas to make his own decisions and not be overbearing THEN Thomas and I will discuss the possibility of a QUICK visit for them to see Landon. 

Nothing can be done until Thomas comes home and things get worked out. Until then I plan on going to the chaplain and getting advice on what to do with the situation during the deployment. 

Here's to hoping the new week goes better than this past week. 

January 11, 2012

What can go wrong will go wrong

It's been a rough week and I wish I could say it's been getting better, but it hasn't. 
The drama that is going on is beyond words to describe. 
This post isn't a vent, or verbal abuse. It is about the reality of the situation's that has happened this past week.
Originally I wasn't going to write about this, but the more I hold it in the more it eats me up inside, and stresses me out. 

Monday when I got mail I got a letter from Wells Fargo, stating they needed documents to finalize a loan. What loan you ask? Well I wasn't to sure either. I was stupid enough to think someone was trying to open a new home loan under my husband's name. But little did I know, my husband, mother-in-law & father-in-law went behind my back and refinanced our house. How did I find out? The loan specialist said she only has a POA for my MIL. Apparently my husband got his mom a POA the day before he deployed behind my back to handle this new loan. They actually thought I wasn't going to find out! What the hell is wrong with them? So as I'm thinking that fraud was being taken place, when in reality I'm just being lied to and betrayed (AGAIN). 
So here I am on Monday, trying to take care of this loan that I thought was fraud getting to the JAG office to get advice and help and then falling on my stomach. I knew I had to go to labor and delivery, but I was so worried that someone was opening a loan in my husbands name I took care of that first. Landon was moving so I wasn't so worried about him, but a loan of 163,000 I was beyond concerned about. 
The JAG office was a waste of time, the guy was useless. I went to labor and delivery and when they checked me out I was 1cm, 50% effaced and contracting every 4 minutes. Since I was dilated, (more so then my last visit) they kept me over night. They were worried about preterm labor, so they watched me closely. I was released Tuesday at 1pm with directions to take it easy, thankfully I am not on bed rest. 
During my stay at labor and delivery, my neighbor who I never met came to my rescue. She came and picked up my keys from the hospital, let my dogs out and fed them and brought me clothes and my phone charger in case my husband called. 
The husband did call, I did my best NOT to yell at him for two reasons. 1) I was in the hospital and didn't want to raise my voice 2) I don't think the stress would of been very good for baby, especially in that kind of situation. I discussed the loan situation with him, he said he didn't tell me because he thought I would say no. Apparently going behind your wife's back is better then asking her upfront about it. I said no to a previous refinance because the company was a scam. I don't think his reasoning is okay and it's just another excuse. I have a big feeling that this entire situation was because his mother had to chime in again as usual and get involved in our life. 
Since him and his family felt the need to lie to me, there are big changes going on that I discussed with my husband. I don't know how else to handle it, but this isn't the first time he has lied to me. I don't know what to do, but I did tell him he has to get counseling overseas regarding his lying. His parent's will be taken out of the will, not welcome to our house and WON'T be allowed to be around me or his son. I won't have my son around people like this, they are horrible influences. As for my husband, I don't know if I should stay with him and continue being lied to and betrayed. That's something to deal with when he get's home from deployment. He knows I am very upset, and that I won't be forgiving him anytime soon. For the past 2 years our fights have had to do with him lying to me, or his mother treating me or my family badly. I honestly feel his mother is trying to cause the problems in this marriage. But either she will be out of our lives, or I will be out of his (which I'm sure will please her). I plan on doing extensive research regarding divorce, and how to ensure I have full custody of Landon if it does get to that point. 
I'm hoping he gets the help he needs, and he tells his family to back off. As far as the loan, I already discussed with him what needs to be done. I won't be posting it on here, because incase his mom does read this she is not to know.

Do I stay in this marriage for Landon even though I've been lied to constantly? 

As of now I am at home and still doing well. We are expecting another storm tonight about 19 inches of snow. Alaska sucks and I can't wait to get out of here. 
I'm hoping that things will calm down in the drama department and I can enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. I am 33 weeks now, almost there. But pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time, and I can honestly say this has been one of the hardest phases of my life. The amount of drama and fighting that has gone on during the pregnancy scares me about the safety of the baby. 

Hopefully things will calm down.