September 30, 2011

Boundaries, a letter to my MIL

I felt that after being disrespected by my MIL in the past, that writing her a letter before they come for the holidays was necessary. In the past I have been pushed out of the way, ignored, and mistreated. Not only did I see it, but my best friend in GA saw it, the FRG leader saw it and others saw it as well. It was necessary to have boundaries set up since they have been ignored. Tell me what you think, it's already sent off & my husband read it and I called my parents to read it to them. So here it goes... _____ are the names blocked out 

As we're about to near deployment, there are something things I feel need to be discussed. T and I have discussed things and whether or not he has brought them up to you is one thing, but they must be discussed.

For a few months now T and I have been discussing boundaries. With the baby on the way, and the past not going very well with our boundaries being known. The entire deployment thing really got me thinking about this subject. I felt disrespected when T was discussing the deployment time frame and didn't even get to finish before you stated you were leaving on the XXth. When visiting us, I would appreciate it if you would respect us and what either him or I are saying. If it doesn't work with your plans then maybe putting your visit off until after deployment so it works with you. Since we were asking if you could move your visit earlier, and it didn't work with you when we do find out the date it needs to work with us, not just you. I understand you would like to see your son before he leaves, and it's important to both of us to spend time with him before he leaves. But he needs to spend time with his wife before he leaves, the house needs to be prepared for the baby and the marriage needs to find strength to get through this deployment. It's necessary T spends time with me before he leaves, when he comes home our lives will be changed.

Another thing that I want to discuss, and was planning on discussing it during your visit along with my parents was the military and our life. We have also discussed that army events, such as deployments, R&R, homecomings and any other military events are to be between T and I along with our children. It's important for T to get reconnected with his wife and child, and these are the times necessary to do so. I understand in the past you have been at those events, but since T is now married it's important it's between us.

I am not pushing you away from your son, but I am setting the boundaries that have not been set. I would appreciate if you would respect them. We are trying to have a strong marriage but the military and arguing about the fact boundaries are not being set or respected is making things complicated.

Holidays, are important for all of us to be around family. Since the military adds challenges to the holiday traditions we have set up a "rotation" that works for us. Since rotating between just you and my family won't work since that leaves us no Holidays together, we have decided that we will rotate every 3 years. So that allows you time with us one year, my parents another and just T and I alone one year so we can start our own traditions amongst ourselves. We feel that this is fair so everyone gets holidays together, and get to see family.

T has read this letter, and agrees with what I am saying. Please don't take this offensively but take it as trying to communicate what is necessary for us to have an understanding of our boundaries. We do understand that things are different with ______ and _______ but things are different when the Military is involved.

Thank you for reading this,

Cassandra & T

September 29, 2011

It's Okay Thursday

Linking up to It's Okay Thursday 

Its Ok Thursdays

To order a bunch of pregnancy books to "flip through" even though no one will actually read them

To get excited even though your husband is pissed he's getting Emergency Leave for when our child is born

To eat "Halloween Candy" through your entire Pregnancy 

To buy every chick flick series to prepare yourself to pass time during deployment

To love the fall leaves outside even though it means deployment is even closer & Winter!

To drink Starbucks on a daily basis to get my "energy" even though it's decaf 

To be pissed that Alaska doesn't have 1 pumpkin patch! (WTF)

To be unsure if I want our child to be born on Feb 29 since it's a leap year and awesome or not to since I'm afraid I'll forget it since it won't come every year. 

September 28, 2011

Spur Ride & Preparing for Deployment

A little background of the spur ride.
The Order of the Spur- is a Calvary tradition within the Army. In order to receive your spurs, you must complete the Spur Ride. The Spur Ride has been defined to me as "hazing". It's 48 hours of pure hell outside doing a bunch of nonsense along with some true military duties. After the next 48 hours in cold weather (mind you were in Alaska about to hit winter, mornings are 28* and right now its about 53*) they complete this tradition. After completing this tradition (which is a HUGE deal for Calvary units), they do a "Spur Dinner" which is where they are welcomed formally, along with more military traditions honoring fallen comrades, grog and a roll call of all that are receiving their spurs.

Now that the background is done, since my husband already has his spurs he is supervising and hazing the candidates. So he'll be gone tonight leaving his pregnant wife (18 weeks now), at home with the 3 dogs and cat. I guess its a glimpse of what deployment will be.
Lonely nights, large pizzas to my self, and endless chick flicks.. That is until baby arrives in February, then it'll be dirty diapers, no sleep, and a house full of animals and little ol' me.

Deployment is coming up so I better get ready for it. There's been so much drama with his mother (as usual) since his mom is demanding to have her way even though we told her that his deployment orders might be when they are out here and they need to change their flight to an earlier date. Nope she still insisted of being here the ENTIRE time leaving us 1 day together... I'm not okay with that and once we get orders I will be putting my foot down & will get my way. I already told my husband that if he mom tries to come to our house after the set date I gave them that we need together that I will be calling the MP's and having her escorted off post. (I'm giving my husband and I 5 days together which is STILL not a lot of time to spend our last days together as just a married couple and not parents, let alone not seeing each other for a year)....

My husband will be leaving as a husband and coming home for R&R as a father. Our lives are changing and we need that time together. If his mom doesn't understand that why is she even coming! If she doesn't respect our boundaries then she just won't be welcome here.

September 27, 2011

Adjusting to a new life

Before: The house we own in Alabama by Ft Benning, Ga.
4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 bathrooms, 2 car garage & a huge fenced backyard.. & fireplace 
Stayed here the first 1 year and 7 months of our marriage 
Just me & my soldier lived here

The fourplex at JBER, AK: 2 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bathroom, 1 car garage, itty bitty back yard and our plug in fake fireplace 

My soldier, me and our soon to be son/daughter will be living here. 

The reality of downsizing so much really hit when we had to get rid of so much stuff. I know my husband didn't want to get rid of his bedroom set (from before we were married), and the fact our dining room is also our office. It feels so crowded, and dirty even though it's clean. 

With adding baby stuff everywhere I'm scared it's going to be to a tight squeeze. 

All the downsizing and adjusting has been chaotic but it seems to be working. Another huge change... hubby is home by 5 or 6. Which means no more microwavable dinners for me, it means I have to cook. Actually, it means braving the kitchen first then cook.

I have made an attempt to cook some decent meals using the cook books and they seem to come out good enough for hubby to eat. Which is a good sign so now one can say I'm not feeding my husband. They might not be gourmet meals, but for the most part it's just us two. And we have tons of leftovers so we usually are set for 2 nights. 

September 26, 2011

This is for the Military Wives

So this was on a friends Facebook status and felt like sharing it for the other strong military wives I know. 

This is for the young women that are waking up at 6 a.m. every morning with small precious children that they have been left alone to care for. This is for the pregnant Military wife wondering if her husband will make it home in time to watch their miracle happen. This is for the childless Military wife, living in a town or on a base alone where she is a complete stranger to her surroundings. This is for the women that feel like a third leg when they go out with their friends and their husbands. This is for the Military wife that cancelled all her plans to wait by the phone, and even though the phone broke up and cut off every time you spoke to him you waited anyway. This is a pledge to the women that cry themselves to sleep in an empty bed. This is to recognize the woman that felt like she was dying inside when he said he had to go, but smiled for him anyway. This is for those of you that are faithfully in that long line at the post office once a month handling 2 large boxes and 2 small children like a pro. This is for that woman that decided to remodel the house to pass time, and then realized that she had no idea what she was doing and sighed and wished she had a little help. This is for all the lonely nights, all the one-person dinners, and all of the wondering thoughts because you haven't heard from him in days. A toast to you for falling apart, and putting yourselves back together. Because a pay check isn't enough, a body pillow in your bed is no consolation, and a web cam can never compare. This is for all of you no matter how easy or hard this was for you. Our military men are brave, they are heroes, but so are we. So the next time someone tells you that they would never marry a Military guy, don't bother explaining to them that you can't control who you fall in love with. Just think of this and nod your head, know that you are the stronger woman. Hold your heads up high, hang that flag in your front yard, stick 100 magnets on your car, and then give yourself a pat on the back. Be proud to be the woman that you are, be proud to be a MILITARY WIFE ♥........It's not the easiest life, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. My husband is my husband for a reason and I'm proud that I can stand there strong right beside him!!

September 25, 2011

Starting over ... In Alaska!

It's been about 2 months since we've been in Alaska. It was a rough start and I wasn't sure how I was going to be make it 3 years here. After downsizing from our 4 bedroom house in Alabama to a 2 bedroom house in Alaska we realized we had to figure some stuff out. My husband lent our guest room furniture to his friend who came out here from Alabama. So after stuffing our office stuff in our dining room, getting rid of our kitchenette table, & putting tan couches & black futons together in the living room we barely made everything fit. If your wondering what we did with the 2nd room, kept it empty to put the nursery in there! 

That's right, as of now I am now 17 weeks & 4 days pregnant. We find out Oct. 20th if it's a boy or girl. We have mostly boy guesses with maybe 3 girl guesses. If you go by heart rate and believe that wives tale, the heart rate was 157 yesterday. The pregnancy has been going well but so far my husband has missed all my appointments. I'm not holding my breath that he'll be there for the 20 week but maybe he will pull through and the Army will give him a break. 

Along with moving across country, and pregnancy there is a huge speed bump coming up. Every military families nightmare, DEPLOYMENT. Hubby will be deploying soon and will be missing the birth of our first child. But that's all to normal in the military so I can't dwell on it. I have found a wonderful support system here in Alaska and they have made me realize Alaska isn't HORRIBLE and it takes some getting used to.