Deployment

Well, its here. Today was the deployment ceremony for my husbands brigade and a few units have started deploying. (Please don't tell me I'm violating OPSEC because I'm not, its NATIONAL news):

I have been strong until it got closer and reading my husband's Facebook status is what made me realize the time has officially came. Here's what he wrote: 

"I want to thank my loving and caring wife, parents and wife's parents for spending the last week with me before I depart. All I ask is my family and friends help support my wife and soon to be son while Im gone this next year. Show the love and support you have shown for me and give my wife some little extra love through this hurdle she is about to go through. Thank u and god bless and god speed"

Attending the deployment ceremony knowing my husband was already gone was heartbreaking but I did it. My husband wanted me to be there even if he wasn't. I needed to show my support for my friends and other soldiers. It was a nice ceremony, lots of speakers and of course the casing of the colors. 

Saying "see you later" to my husband was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. His unit had it so we dropped them off, no hanging around with them just drop off and leave. We wen't to breakfast early in the morning at a great cafe in downtown, then went to Starbucks. I didn't want the time to come I was dreading it. I kept thinking if I don't fall asleep will this day come or if I don't get out of bed it can't happen. But it did, none of my procrastination techniques worked as much as I wish it did. 

See you laters were heartbreaking, we arrived 10 minutes early and sitting in the car watching others say " see you later" broke my heart and I broke down. I told myself to be strong and to let him see me without tears for the last time before he left but it didn't work. I cried and he was okay with that. He is good with detaching his emotions and was able to just walk away. It hurt so much that he was able to walk away but this isn't his first deployment. It might be my first but it's his fourth. My heart dropped watching him walk away with his bags. I knew that our lives were never going to be the same. When he gets home for R&R  we will have our son who will be around 1 or 2 months by that time. 

Coming home after everything was so hard. I was okay but once I let the dogs out and they got out of control I just broke. I realized my husband won't be home to help handle them, he won't be home to help feed them, or take them out. It's just going to me, for the next 10-12 (supposedly 10) months I have to take full control of this house & raise a newborn when the time comes.

I know so many military wives have gone through this, and now I know after 2 years of being an Army wife the pain you feel when you have to say goodbye. I hope that no one ever feels the pain of having to say goodbye or see you later but I know that is unreal in this military life. 

If you are currently going through a deployment my thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and your husband. I know that I want all the support I can get, I hope this heartbreaking feeling goes away soon. The feeling of having your heart ripped out is honestly the worst feeling that you can't even begin to describe. 

Wishing everyone the best