As I sit here in my bed reflecting about my day, I can't get the tears to stop. My eyes are bloodshot, my face swollen, and I'm in the classic broken down girl mode... Sweatpants, and a sweatshirt. As I took a shower earlier to try to calm down, I found myself on the floor in the shower crying, praying for everything to change. I never was the one begging for change, or praying for a better relationship with my parents,a better marriage and a healthier life. I broke down, prayed for a better life and cried to God wondering why I was given a life with such struggles. As I find myself blogging about depressing things, I read blogs that are uplifting about amazing events going on in everyone's life. I want to be the uplifting positive blogger with all the amazing miracles happening. Children, anniversaries, date nights, ect.
I hate being the depressing blogger, upset about life, health and relationships. It's hard to find the positive, when your life continues to crash down.
Yesterday, I went to the pain doctor who gives me the epidurals. Since they aren't working we have to add another set of shots called a "trigger shot". It goes directly into the muscle with the pain, but these are between the epidurals, and physical therapy 3x week.
I think my husband is having a difficult time with my health problems, he isn't used to all the doctor appointments, procedures, and well.. No work. Which means more stress in the house about finances. I am not physically able to work, and that hasn't been exactly uh.. understood? With my husband being a drill sergeant, getting time with him is near impossible. And it's emotionally heartbreaking knowing your husband is so close but so far.
I decided no matter the pain I am in, I have to get a job. I am hoping by doing this the stress levels in our house will decrease.
What type of things help your relationship with your husband? How do you keep the "romance" going and the fighting minimum? What was your first year of marriage like? Any advice?
I want to be a good wife, without these health problems. I want to work two jobs so I can pay down debt, and release some of the tension. But it's impossible when I can barely stand up, have physical therapy 3x a week, and doctors appointment's about 4x a week. How can I put in towards the marriage when I can barely make it through a day.