A little on my mind.. ranting.. more than raving.

So, I'm sitting here (in pain from actually making the move to do spin Class on Monday) ..... with my mom and no husband. My husband is out in the field for FTX with their privates, so he won't be here this week. Do I like this? Sort of, I feel like he doesn't understand the emotional state of mind I'm in. Yes I might not work, but I have anxiety galore, and I am overwhelmed with the dogs, cat, finances (which by the way are out of control), and the million of dr. appointments I have to go to. And on top of all this lovely daily life, I have to wake up with back pain w/ spasms, knee pain and joint paint. I usually have headaches daily, and did I mention all the pills I take for depression don't work and make me gain weight, causing me to not want to get out of bed. (that's where I stayed all day yesterday).
I'v been up since 5 am this morning, slept on the couch because I didn't even want to deal with my husband after his pathetic "I'm tired" excuse that he uses 24/7 when he works or doesn't work. I'm over it. He needs to buck up & understand there is more to life than the military. I am pretty independent, but my biggest pet peeve, is laziness and lack of motivation. Yes I am not motivated, because the amount of medication I'm on basically puts me in a coma through out the day of sleep. But I work my ass off in school, and try to pick up after my husband who may I add is careless of the chores. (But my mom still thinks hes a saint, and be nice because hes in the military and works all day). La di Da. all that and a bag of chips in my eyes.

Its Simple..

I appreciate my husband, and what he does for our Country. I understand he has a commitment to the Army, the United States and well temporarily a bunch of fuzzy privates that most of our husbands once were.
But here's where I fee like I'm alone on this..
He married me, he has a commitment to me, to help me when hes home and to help me get through my mental issues, emotional distress and physical pain. He is not deployed,so I expect for my husband to be here when he can to help me in our home, and with his animals. I find it exhausting that he thinks he can come home, throw his disgusting ACU's (and when I mean disgusting I seriously mean it) on our kitchen table, and drop his dirty clothes in the middle of our bedroom floor.