November 8, 2010

Total Forgiveness?? Really?

So, its been about 2 1/2 weeks since I have been done with the Bradley Center. If you want to be technical my last day at the partial program was October 29, you can do the math and tell me how off I was. Anyways, the pain I felt towards my husband was indescribable. How can the man I married, call the cops on me, throw me in a psych ward and not have the decency to face me.. I was hurt, betrayed and most of all.. DESPISED my husband, and trust me there was no words to describe the hate I had for him. But now, after how ever many days, or weeks that have passed I finally finished the book I started at the Bradley Center while I was in-patient. The books title: Total Forgiveness, By R.T. Kendall Lets just say, I am now thankful for my husband and love him more than ever for having the courage to take the steps I wasn't taking to get me the help I needed. (Confused?), I needed help, I still need help. But with the medications and the new work-out routine I have planned for my self (SPIN CLASS) 4 times a week, I think I'll be better.. Not to mention weekly visits to the therapist, and monthly visits to my psychologist and manicurist (did I mention a monthly massage too..).. Here is what I learned reading this book, that I SERIOUSLY suggest... and will read again when necessary... And I will be quoting directly from R.T Kendall ( Who ever you are.. your amazing) The Pragmatic Reasons for forgiving 1. Consider the consequences if you do forgive. [Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things -- PHILIPPIANS 4:8] 2. Consider the consequences if you don't forgive. [But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins -- Matt 6:15]
&& so we go on to the
Steps in Totally Forgiving Others 1. Make the deliberate and irrevocable choice not to tell anyone what they did. 2. Be pleasant to them should you be around them. 3. If conversation ensues, say that which would set them free from guilt. 4.Let them feel good about themselves. 5. Protect them from their greatest fear. 6. Keep it up today, tomorrow, this year, and next. 7. Pray for them.
"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"(Matt.5:44)
And anyone who truly knows me, knows that I AM NOT the religious type. But this book changed my views, thoughts, emotions, and feelings.. I could sit here and hate my husband when I did all the wrongs, or I can move on and appreciate that my husband saved my life, and our marriage. I thank my husband as much as I can, and I don't think there are enough words to even begin to thank the girls I met at the Bradley Center. These women are strong, beautiful and amazing women. Yes we ALL might be a bit crazy, but I admire these women. They are part of who I am today, and they have made me the strong woman I am now.
They picked me up when I hit rock bottom They spent early mornings with me in tears One of them dealt with my 3 am loud arrival We opened our hearts to each-other We bonded and made everlasting friendships That no one would ever be able to understand but us. I love these women with my heart, and I love my husband for having the courage, strength, and desire to help me, his wife, his military wife that in less than a year will be alone while he is deployed fighting for his country. I admire him for everything he has done, and will do.

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