Yesterday, while Christmas shopping I bought myself a bible (pink of course).
I am ready to be my own person, and make my own decisions not depend on others. I feel like my adoptive parents are hurt, but they won't communicate with me about it, so I don't care. Is that selfish or heartless of me? I want to be a good daughter, but more than anything in this world I want to be my own individual.
I am turning 25 in 3 months, and I have also made the decision to meet my biological mom. We spoke today and she bought my ticket to fly out in January for 2 weeks. Again, my adoptive parent's seem unemotional and upset but they don't speak to me as usual. (Growing up it's been all about the television, fighting, and eating out or ordering in). I can honestly say I have never had a home cooked meal from my adoptive mother. But that's besides the point. I will finally be going to find the person who brought me into this world, a piece of me that has been missing my entire life. Is it me for being excited, or rude? Don't I have the right to want this, and to make this decision when I was comfortable. Most of the time I don't feel my adoptive family understands where I come from, or even tries to understand. When I do try to describe my feelings or thoughts, they say that I am being over dramatic or thinking about it in my own head.
The GoodThe good of this week: Being baptized tomorrow
The good of the new start of the year: Meeting my biological mom and family
The good of my life: Marrying a great man, and having his support
The good of my current location: Meeting amazing friends that have become family, and support everything I have done
The bad feeling of my adoptive parent's making me feel hurt
The bad of not knowing if I should be happy or not
The bad of being confused in my own body, and feeling regretful of my health.