Church x 2 and moving on

I know I'm lagging on the blogging, but it's been a crazy past month. I actually missed 2 appointments, therapy and a pre-op for sinus surgery because I've been so out of it. With the 17, yes 17 medications I have been taking my mind is seriously in a world of it's own. Last night, I spoke with my husband about the medications, and just how they are making me so out of it. I know he doesn't understand how I feel, or what type of disgusting funk these pills are putting me in, but he's been there, and that's what means the most to me.
Also last night, I saw the Church his mom suggested to us a year ago, and asked my husband to drag his sick butt out with my sick butt (were both sick with bad colds)to that church to see what they're about.

Church # 1: Cascade Hills Baptist Church Saturday Night Service
The main focus for their new focus for February was "Connecting with God". They discussed the best time to pray, (morning), and what prayer does ( connects you with God, brings you answers, and gives your spiritual strength). They discussed the power of fasting and prayer, and the burden that will be lifted after the process.

Church # 2: MyChurch (the one we usually go to)Sunday Service
At our church, their focus was concluding "From Here to There", and Week 5 was "Physical Life". They asked us to think about what we want to do, then to do it. (STOP THINKING AND DO IT!).

1. Corinthians 6: 19-20 - Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

1. Think of how to honor God with your body.

2. Develop a Battle Plan/ Action Plan. (Think of steps to achieve your goals)

3. Get into Relationships. (Somebody who will support or help you).

Moving On

Now with all the church stuff being said, lets discuss moving on.
A while back I posted a blog, from what I remember in NY when I met my biological family. I was describing my biological family, and used the word "adoptive" parents to explain and make it clear. Using the word adoptive, was not to be taken in negative from just for complete understanding.

Some might question and still dwell on the word "adoptive" but I need it to be said that it was not meant to be negative in any way. Now, I shouldn't have to defend myself on my blog, but I don't want the person thinking about the word negatively to hurt. Why because it's my mom.. I hate that she thinks I meant it negatively or took it negatively, when I was just putting it into writing perspective.

Here's my input, and last word on the subject of biological family and adoptive family, they are just words.
My biological family is now a part of my life, I am thankful for my biological mom for not aborting me, and giving me a good life by putting me in the right peoples hands. And I am even more thankful and grateful for my parents, yes my parents, the people that have raised me and been there for good bad and ugly. Through all my medical problems, emotional breakdowns, and temper tantrums. I am thankful for both families, and find that I am appreciative for the lives they both provided. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my biological mother, and I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for my parent's that raised me into a woman, a wife, sister and daughter.

I hope that everyone including my parents, family, friends, and blogging buddies understand that I did not mean to hurt anyone, and that I am sorry for hurting my parent's feelings. I am crushed that this has still gone on, and hasn't been crushed. So here I am, speaking out and now moving on. I can't dwell on the past, after conversations consisting of screaming, tears and hateful words.

I will be the adult I am, and I am publicly apologizing to my parents. But at this point, I will continue to blog and I will continue to try to keep the context into descriptive terms without hurting people's feelings. I don't want people hurt by what I am saying.

Thanks everyone for reading my blog, I would appreciate some input, comments or advice..

Xoxo

Journeys that changed my life

 As I tried to think about something to blog about, I decided to look at quotes, since I'm a quote fanatic. I found one quote, that couldn't be more close to heart, and true to my life then this one. 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao Tzu

In the last year and somewhat months, I have made two huge steps that have changed my life and have let me live the adventure that led me here today. With a single step, and thousand of miles in between I have met my husband and biological mother. Last year, I took what I thought was the largest step on the plane to meet my now current and forever husband. After talking for months online, we finally decided to take it to the next step to meet. After four days in Alabama, I never went home and we got married on Dec. 8 2009. 

In 2006 my Biological mother found me off of IMDB, the Internet Movie Data Base and contacted me regarding her putting me up for adoption. It took me 5 years to take that step and get on the plane. On January 5, I took the step on the plane that changed my life again. I met the woman who gave birth to me along with my sister and two brothers. 

This quote has completely touched my heart and made me realize how different my life would be if I didn't have the courage to take these steps. I love my husband, and meeting my biological family has given me the background of my life regarding health, family and the story of my past. I go back home to my husband on Sunday and I can't wait to see him after two weeks. 

I don't know who reads this blog, but I hope those that do have the courage to take the steps that open the opportunity to expand your life experiences.

Snowboarding.. then ER

Snowboarding location

Little Man Ryan ready to snowboard

Rebecca and Ryan preparing for the snow

Rebecca, and I (and partial Ryan's head)

Family : Ryan, Rebecca and I

Rebecca

Ryan

Me: Ready to snowboard

And a flip over she went after this

And After falling on my back, ended up at the Hospital I was born at.. 

It was interesting to be admitted back to the hospital I was born at with my biological mom.
I'm back at the house, with heating pads, pain pills and just pain... No regrets though!..

Day 2: The adoption story

Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once.
Lillian Dickson

So today is my 3nd  day here in New York, and yesterday Margaret and I saw the Broadway show Fiddler on the Roof. We also went to meet her in-laws, not sure what they are to me, but here are some photo's of the day. Supposedly, were expecting 8-14 inches of snow within the next 48 hours.

Anyways, going along with the quote above by Lillian Dickson: This quote is bitter sweet to me in my eyes, and with the adoption process and now the completion of the process.. the meeting. My biological mother had an option to keep me, or do what was best for me and give me up for adoption. She did what was best, putting me first, and she made the tough decision to choose parents to raise me. Originally there was another family that was supposed to get me but they backed out. It must of been fate, I was raised by amazing parents that my friends and husband love. They have spoiled me rotten, watched me grow up, my mom dressed me up, my dad had his little girl wrapped around his finger. It was and still is the life, I was never thinking it would be different, or that the past or stories would be complete by meeting the woman who made the hardest decision to give up her daughter before I was even born.

I had the option to meet Margaret, my biological mother when I was 18, but I wasn't ready. She was looking everywhere for me, then found me off IMDB, since I was a makeup artist. We talked on the phone and e-mailed often and my mom asked if I wanted to go to NY to meet my biological mother. Finally I was ready, and came out here. I got in two days ago and the 2nd night we stayed up till about 130 am going through all of the adoption papers and photos. Of course I was crying, I was emotional, in pain and was taken for a roller coaster of from start to now. No one could ever be prepared for the emotions that come across seeing the writing of your biological mom, or seeing your parent's profile with pictures and information about who they were, and what they liked. They are so much the same today, and have grown into such great parents. So below are some of the photos of the documents my biological mother saved. She also has pictures of me when I was a baby on her walls, it makes me feel so welcome that her three other kids and husband knew about me from day one.

The "Resume" My parent's had to put in to get me :)

My first Birth Certificate before the adoption was complete

The hospital I was born at :) March 24 I was supposed to be an April Baby

&

The Meeting at the Airport:

This blog is a two day blog that had to be reread numerous times, the photo of the hospital was taken last night on the way home. I am so thankful that the adoption worked out for everyone. My parents (Adrienne & Marty) have raised me amazing, and have supported my crazy, irrational, pathetic, and sometimes smart decisions. Margaret somehow lucked out, with getting rid of the problem child (health problems, tattoos, piercings, and ditching school). I am one expensive woman, and child and I am so thankful that my parent's have taken care of me the way they said they would, did and still do.My Parent's have supported me through everything, and I don't think they will ever understand how much this trip has opened doors to more relationships, self growth, and a better understanding of "my roots".

Margaret's family is so sweet, loving and welcoming, its like down home country love. She took me shopping yesterday to get antiques and country decorations so I can start decorating our home. We got a lot of red, white and blue, patriotic decorations. I found out that I do have a creative side in me, and can't wait to start working on some projects when I get home. I'll hopefully post later today, about our day at home scrap booking, baking and spending time watching movies.

Eventful Weekend & Upcoming New Year

This has been a long week, and I'm ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be getting baptized at Church, in the presence of friends, army family and church family. I have the support of my biological family, and my in-laws, but I am still unsure of my adoptive family. But this is my decision, and I am so excited to take this step in the right direction of my new life.
Yesterday, while Christmas shopping I bought myself a bible (pink of course).
I am ready to be my own person, and make my own decisions not depend on others. I feel like my adoptive parents are hurt, but they won't communicate with me about it, so I don't care. Is that selfish or heartless of me? I want to be a good daughter, but more than anything in this world I want to be my own individual.
I am turning 25 in 3 months, and I have also made the decision to meet my biological mom. We spoke today and she bought my ticket to fly out in January for 2 weeks. Again, my adoptive parent's seem unemotional and upset but they don't speak to me as usual. (Growing up it's been all about the television, fighting, and eating out or ordering in). I can honestly say I have never had a home cooked meal from my adoptive mother. But that's besides the point. I will finally be going to find the person who brought me into this world, a piece of me that has been missing my entire life. Is it me for being excited, or rude? Don't I have the right to want this, and to make this decision when I was comfortable. Most of the time I don't feel my adoptive family understands where I come from, or even tries to understand. When I do try to describe my feelings or thoughts, they say that I am being over dramatic or thinking about it in my own head.

The Breakdown

The Good

The good of this week: Being baptized tomorrow
The good of the new start of the year: Meeting my biological mom and family
The good of my life: Marrying a great man, and having his support
The good of my current location: Meeting amazing friends that have become family, and support everything I have done

The Bad

The bad feeling of my adoptive parent's making me feel hurt
The bad of not knowing if I should be happy or not
The bad of being confused in my own body, and feeling regretful of my health.