Moving on

Self Talk

People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness" - Albert Ellis 

It's not the event's in our lives that upset us, its the way we think about them. I have officially been at Church for about a month and a half and have learned so much. In 3 months, I will be 25. I have gone through 3 surgeries, and going on my fourth this upcoming year, as well as injuries galore. I went through rehab because I was craving my husbands attention, and decided to pop pills and cut my wrists to feel pain other than emptiness and emotional pain. My husband never came home, was to busy drinking with his friends to come home. So the result... The paramedics and police came to the house, and I ended up in the ER for hours, then taken by ambulance to a psychological health center where I resided for a week, then did out patient for 2 weeks. Part of me still is holding a grudge towards my husband for not coming home, but the other part of me is happy that I went there. I wish he came home and took me there  himself. I know I needed the help, but the way it was handled was what hurt. 

Starting this new year on 15 medications is hard on me, and the upcoming epidural, injections and surgeries scare me. I feel bad that I am angry with my husband for not being able to be there for everything, but I have learned this is the military life. I can't sit here regretting, feeling bad for everything, having anger or temper tantrums, or putting my husband's job at risk for always calling him home or asking for him to take me to appointments. 

I was upset, and I was causing myself to have panic attacks, emotional breakdowns and severe depression. This new year I must, and will keep my head up, understand that I am strong enough to get through these setbacks, and be positive and thankful that I am getting the help I need. 

This quote has impacted me this morning, and shows that each individual is the one who causes the anger, or feeling they might have.

Although it's the 3rd of January, and I have already made my list of resolutions or changes, the most important one is:

            Not to let the little things bother me, or let my emotions run my life. I will be positive and move forward in life, Nothing can let me down.